(///range.linked.regime – Black Park Country Park, Buckinghamshire, UK)
Ducking Useless: A Bizarre Cold War Failure, by Duncan Smithson, Europe Correspondent
The trove of recently declassified papers from the Government has given people a fascinating insight into the lengths that spy chiefs went to in their efforts to entrap suspected spies at the height of the Cold War.
Yet while social media debate rages over whether the Brandenburg Concerto Sting or the Beans on Toast Gambit was more ludicrous, a new contender has emerged from the leafy quiet of a country park.
There had long been suspicion that Economics Professor Ernest Jameson was using his role as a respected academic to feed information back to the regime in Moscow. However, no tangible evidence was forthcoming, and MI5 chiefs were preparing to move on to other targets.
The newly released documents detail how the desperate spooks became fixated on Professor Jameson’s regular visits to a local lake and resorted to an elaborate operation to try and gain the information they needed.
Jameson visited the lake every Saturday morning to allow his son to feed the ducks, but it had been noted that a revolving cast of men and women would often come to speak to them, and some of these associates had been recognised and linked to other ongoing spying investigations.
To get close enough to the conversation to record what was being said, MI5 set to building a mechanical duck with a camera and recording device housed inside. The plan was for the duck to record what was being said once it was in range, and this evidence could then be used to apprehend their target.
Regrettably, those building the duck had failed to account for Jameson’s son’s love of his weekend visits and his deep knowledge of all of the birds in the lake. He quickly spotted that there was a new duck, but told his father in animated tones how its movement was jerky, unlike the smooth movement of the ducks he recognised, how its feathers shone like metal in the sunlight, and how the webbing on its feet stayed a uniform size rather than contracting in and out as the duck swam along.
MI5 only heard this exchange when the duck returned to them, where the son’s detailed description of the duck’s less than lifelike appearance was followed by Jameson declaiming ‘You will have to do better than that’, before blowing a lengthy raspberry intended for his pursuers.
Jameson vanished from his job within a few days, and though it was rumoured that he resurfaced as Professor Arnold Gilbert in a different area of the country some months later, he was never caught.
The story is another historical embarrassment for the British Intelligence Services, and leaves many wondering why the files were released, given they do nothing beyond making those working at the time look anything but intelligent.
If you knew Ernest Jameson, or you were his son, and you would like to contact us, simply email contact@thescandalpaper.com.
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