(///saving.violin.brains – New Scotland Yard, London)
Don’t get me wrong, I love music. But only when it’s played well. When it’s played badly, well that’s a fucking abomination. It has to be stopped. So I stop it.
What I really hate is buskers. I hate a booming guitar in a subway passage, vocals yelled across people’s heads. I hate a screeching violin on a street corner, massacring Vivaldi. And I hate, hate, hate a mouth fucking organ. Anywhere. Period.
So I get rid of them. I make sure they never come back. Subtle of course. All it takes is a poisoned lollipop, thrown in with all the money.
I’m careful, wear my hood, drop it quickly and go. The police haven’t got the brains to find me, but no point taking a risk, not when there’s still so much work to do.
They don’t always eat them. But I read about enough unexplained deaths to know my efforts are paying off, sometimes weeks after my donation. Occasionally they pass them to their kids. Collateral damage. Unfortunate, but necessary and it does the job. They don’t want to busk again after that.
I’m never going to stop, the buskers don’t so why should I? I’m on a mission. Around the country, around the world. Killing buskers, one by one, saving everyone from their pernicious influence.
So enjoy the peace I’ve given you. Appreciate music as it is meant to be appreciated.
And never forget, I’m doing it for all of us.
You’re welcome.
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